I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're like the curious george of whores
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
