Swine flu. Run for my life!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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