..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
