Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
