His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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