i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
