We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had sex on a roof
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
