what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
