got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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