Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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