I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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