i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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