sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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