i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
