I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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