i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
