More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
