Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
