Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
