im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize