HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
