You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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