Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
