can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is wine microwaveable?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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