it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
