capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
