My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
