I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
