saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
