pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it hurts more in the daytime
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
