Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
