I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
