Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
