she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize