my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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