The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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