I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
