i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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