Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize