Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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