I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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