I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
