K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
