I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
