why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
