Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
