apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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