Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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