Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
