her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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