a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
