It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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