he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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