I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize