mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
