He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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