Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
