And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
