Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
