i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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