imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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