My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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