Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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