are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
