piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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