i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
