This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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