My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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