Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
