Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize