FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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