and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
