This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
